After listening to a particularly helpful audio book, I have come to realize I don’t focus enough attention on myself. I am always so worried about what others will think, though I lie to myself often and tell myself that I don’t care. Deep down, we all care to some extent. I also get so focused on what I have to do: errands, work, trying to plan time for exercise, cleaning, trying to plan healthier meals to cook, and everything else that comes up. Yes, stuff the average person usually does, though some add in parenting and school work. To me, those people are extraordinary. I don’t know how they manage to juggle so much and make it work.
I have spent more than a year thinking, “If I just focus and bust my ass, I will eventually get caught up so that I can finally sit back and relax at a more ‘normal’ pace.” And yet, it never works out that way. Most people more than likely think, “You’re self-employed! How do you not have time to get your life together?!” I’ve had a few say something along these lines in the past. It’s beyond frustrating, especially when those people aren’t walking in my footsteps. I feel I am always fighting to get ahead, but it never happens. Often times, it feels like I am getting even further behind. There are many days where I feel a lot older than my 35 years, and lately I’ve noticed that I’ve lost interest in so many of my hobbies that once made me happy. I think in the past 2-3 years, I’ve lost me.
The audio book I listened to has been so helpful to me, and I know that I need to spend more time on me. Not stressing over what I think I should be doing. Not what I have to do. Not what I think others feel I should be doing. This is going to be easier said than done because I am the poster child for excessive people-pleasing. But I feel I have made the first step in this journey, and I am hopeful about the changes ahead. It will most definitely not be easy, but I know that I can do it.
I recommend everyone read or listen to this audio book, regardless of what’s going on in your life. It really makes you stop and think about some things, and it has already been so helpful to me.
So, I am going to start working on who I need me to be.